you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
