Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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