Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
