dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
