I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
