I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
organizing the empties. That sober.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
