Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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