How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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