I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
