you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
