I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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