My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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