Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
