don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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