There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize