It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
