my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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