bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
