my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im holly from the hills drunk
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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