Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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