so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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