Where did you get a picture of my penis
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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