can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I know her cup size but not her name....
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
