It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
