Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
