my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
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Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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