I've blown a few things in my day
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We have started to decorate penises.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You are the jesus of drinking
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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