they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
