I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
