I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
