then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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