either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
