I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
