sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
last night I used snow as a chaser
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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