Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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