Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
