There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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