Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
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Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
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Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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