My nipple is on Facebook.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
