I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize