i don't plan on having that self control this summer
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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