She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
