Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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