im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
