omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
