I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
