I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
