i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
