Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I want a musical about memes.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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