Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
