my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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