so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
