We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
