the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
