I'm laying in your front yard are you home
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
