He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
