Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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