I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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