Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
