Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
