No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
