you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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