Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
