like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
