There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
