We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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