proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you win again, gameday.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
